A month ago on March 10th, I saw the fastest and most direct responses to a decision ever. As you know from past posts I prayed and made the decision to come home after months of dealing with pain. Today it is literealy a month later. It has been an emotional roller coaster here at home but I thought I would do a flash back to one of the hardest days on my mission and what I have learned so far.
On March 10th, I left Ecuador and made one of the longest flights of my life to come home. I had 3 layovers to hop and skip across the US to make it from Ecuador to Oregon. And unfortunately it gave me way to much time to continue to question my decision to come home. One thing that I was not prepared for at all was that Satan would be attacking my mind and heart, almost immediately. He obviously is not here on Earth to help us, so as I sat in airports and sat on the plane, questions just rushed across my mind...how will my family really feel? Do they have doubts about why I am coming home? Will they still love me the same? What will people at church say on Sunday? Am I going to fake sick so I don't have to face all the questions? Obviously some of these questions sound ridiculous but I will tell you these and many more crossed my mind as I flew from Ecuador to Tampa, FL, to LA, California, and then Oregon.
When I left Ecuador I felt at peace with my decision and in my heart I wanted so badly to stay and continue on my mission. When I said goodbye to the mission secretaries, Elder G and Elder M (both from Utah), they both told me to hurry and get better so I could come back. They both wished me luck and told me they would see me soon. My mission president said the same things and assured me that I could get the care I needed and then come back to Ecuador to finish my mission. (That put me at ease somewhat)
When I arrived I saw my sisters Lisa and Jessica, my niece Maiya, my nephew Luis, and my mother. They all came to pick me up from the airport and make sure I was okay. As we waited for my luggage we all sat on the floor next to a pole and just talked about how I was and what I was feeling. I remember feeling their unconditional love, just like Christ showed me through this whole situation. Afterwards, they took me to dinner and then home so that I could rest, after a 24 hour flight.
Well, it has been a month since I decided to come home. At first, just like when I started my mission, Satan made me question every decision. Then I started to feel okay and somewhat normal, being at home and being a missionary. Then I went to the doctors and my doctor dropped a bombshell on all my plans...which were to come home, get the care I needed, and return to my mission. When I left my mission, I made my mission president promise that I could come back to the same mission.
But as my doctor told me that he would not recommend that I return to a 3rd world country, or a 2nd world country, my heart broke. I wanted to cry as I sat in the exam room with my mom. I asked if I could ever go back and he told me, in his medical expertise, he would recommend that I not. I then asked if I could serve in the United States or Canada? He said that as long as my symptoms got better he would be okay with that. And so as I left his office, I just keep thinking in my head, I can't 6 more weeks (that was two weeks ago) to find out if I can serve or not.
Support from the Family
As I shared the news with my brothers and sisters, they all told me they loved me and said that they were proud of me no matter what. And that the Lord just had something else planned for me. My sweet sister, Jessica told me that the Lord wanted me in Ecuador and so he called me to serve their but now he needed me somewhere else. As I prayed for guidance from the Lord my sister in law Alicia and my visiting home teacher Brother N, also told me the exact same thing. By this point I had heard the same thing, that the Lord may just needed me somewhere else from 3 people! (Can you say that the Lord answers prayers...only problem is I am sometimes stubborn and wouldn't accept it.) Normal people would accept that as an answer and make a decision, but I decided to fast.
Coming to a decision
I fasted and prayed and listened to General Conference this past weekend, I felt that I needed to make an unwanted decision, on what I wanted to do next for my mission?
When I prayed to know what to do next, I was asking all of the wrong things of the Lord. So instead I change what I was asking for. I started to pray for comfort and peace as I made the decision to serve the Lord in what ever capacity he needed. Where ever he needed. And so I prayed again. This time I felt peace just as I had asked.
Then on Sunday after General Conference I got a call from my mission president from Ecuador. He was calling to check in on me and see what the doctors had said. As I told him what the doctors said, he asked me if I was ready to come back to the mission. If I wasn't, he would need to release me from my missionary call. I felt so rushed and uncertain (and fear from being released), I blurted out, I can come back now. As I said it, I felt ill. I felt like I was rushing things (even though I wanted so bad to go back, it didn't feel right). As I ended the call, he said he would call me again on the next day with an update from Salt Lake. I told my family what had happened and they all said, are you not going to listen to your doctor? I felt so at unease with my decision to go back, I knew it was not the right decision.
So I went home and prayed again. Pleading with the Lord to help me at this time. As I woke up on Monday I knew that I needed to call my mission president and tell him that for medical reasons I couldn't return back to my mission. And that I needed to find out what options I had to continue to serve the Lord. He told me that I needed to call my Stake President and get help on the next steps. And so I did.
So what is next?
Now after one of the longest months of my mission, I will continue to serve the Lord but not in Ecuador. Because I have a strong desire to continue to serve the Lord, I have decided to ask the church to reassign me to a new mission. Where I can continue to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord. So just like I was called to serve in Ecuador and I promised to serve with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I will serve the Lord again wherever he needs me.
This was an extremely hard decision for me. I think almost harder than the decision to go on a mission. I feel at peace with this.I know that I will feel the Lord's love always and the love of my great family. Along with all of my family support, my friends have been sending me uplifting messages. Which was just another sign that the Lord is aware of the needs of his children here on Earth.
If you know someone who went home early from their mission, send them an uplifting message! It made such a difference for me this week.
Love Hermana Weller
Quote of the Week:
"God has you at the right place, at the right time, because he wants to do something amazing in your life." ~ Anonymous
And just some random photos of the week...
|In America, she still has iPhone withdrawals...lol|
...when you can't have an iPhone why not buy an iPhone notebook - #1stworldproblems
|Our sister Lisa, treated Anna to lunch the other day and they had fried cheesecake with COCONUT ice cream|